It was a normal evening in my hostel and I was busy doing some mundane tasks that required my immediate attention. I was in my first year of post-graduation and had recently settled down in the Girls Hostel situated in Church Gate, Mumbai. Our hostel was in the midst of a lot of office buildings and the only crowd here was the office people heading up and down in the morning and evening hours. I personally hated the fact that I never felt homely at this place as you can’t find kids playing in the parking lot or hear the hearty laugh of people. Basically, the area was so passive and lacked motion and vigour compared to other places in Mumbai.

But sooner I realized that my window opened to an apartment and there were people living in there. I made a sigh of relief when I realized I had people around. But apparently the happiness was short lived. It was just after a few months, on the same quiet evening that I heard a loud cry. I paused and so did my companions in my room. We looked at each other for a couple of seconds. In less than a minute, the crying became wailing and wasn’t stopping. We could read the panic on each other’s faces and soon, we ran out of the room in the direction of the cry being heard. We ran to our terrace and saw that it was a woman crying from the apartment nearby. Now, along with the cry, we could hear the woman howling something like, “mar do, muje mar do. (kill me)” The next we could hear was a man who said, “chup karo chup karo” (Be silent) and the voice became harsher and louder with more stronger whips. And we understood that something was wrong and we started shouting at the home and asked if everything was alright. Hearing us, some members of the house came to the window, looked at us, switched off the lights and closed the curtains. The most startling fact was that there were other women in this house. After some odd 15 min, the voice was no longer heard.

This repeated for about 2 or 3 days and happened occasionally. We didn’t know why this happened or why the woman bore up with this? We didn’t even know if we informed someone, she would be ready to tell them what had happened. During mornings, the house was kind of normal and people behaved normally. It was only at night, we heard this. This is a story of a household in one of the most developed cities in the world. And more startling is that no one in the nearby household bothered to check out what was happening. This could be a case of domestic violence that happened in one of the richest households in the outskirts of the city called Mumbai. Unbelievable right? Nothing really mattered – Wealth, Education, Religion or Caste. Sadly, the plight of women in many of the Indian households remain the same.

 As part of the National Family Health Survey conducted every five years in India, women and men were asked whether a husband is justified in beating his wife for each of the seven reasons—if the wife goes out without telling her husband, if the wife neglects the house or children, if the wife argues with her husband, if the wife refuses to have sex with her husband, if she does not cook food properly, if he suspects her of being unfaithful, and if she shows disrespect for in-laws. In order to assess the acceptance of norms regarding wife beating, these questions were asked and their responses were recorded. The proportion of women who supported wife beating in all these cases were higher than that of men. This shows how abusing themselves has been normalised and is internalised in the minds of Indian Women.

From the survey, it was seen that one of the major reasons that is mentioned for justifying wife beating is if the wife is being disrespectful with in-laws.  The second most prevalent reason is if the wife doesn’t take care of the house or children. The next down the ladder is if the wife argues with her husband. And people believe that husband can beat their wife if he suspects her of infidelity or if she doesn’t cook food properly, or if she goes out without telling him or if she refuses to have sex. All in all, we can see that half of the population in India believes that a husband can beat their wife, if she doesn’t follow the stereotypical roles that she has to do. With the emergence of pandemic, the cases have shot up and the proportion of women who are subjected to domestic violence is ever high. Statistics also say that 86% of women in India don't complain or report that they are abused.

Source: NFHS data - 4

Who is to be blamed? The men who beat their wives, or the women who support them, or the onlookers that include you and me? I think it’s all of the aforementioned. We build up the society and if we need to transform it, we need to hold hands and move together. Harming any human being on any ground is inhumane and is a violation of the basic human right. The Judiciary of the country has a major role to play. Stringent rules and unbiased judgements are major prerequisites for a more equitable society. Most often, girls are taught to be good wives and good daughter-in -laws, but no man is told that? Like how we have ingrained in the minds of women that it is right of the husband to beat them, it is to be injected in the minds of men that it is wrong to beat a fellow human being. No one guarantees the right to men to abuse their wives just because you are married to her. Sometimes, women also support domestic violence, as victims or as onlookers. It is to be remembered that one should never tolerate violence and should raise their voice against violence, no matter what. Know that it is wrong to compromise on your health, body; dignity and respect. And as onlookers we need to take necessary action when you come to know of any kind of violence. You might never know; you might be helping a life or many lives through your act of concern this way. It’s a collective action that is required to remove this evil from our lives.

Gayathri M S completed her Masters in English Language and Literature from Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. She is a lover of literature, an avid reader who loves to explore various dimensions in literature and life.

 

Image credits: Pixabay.com

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