A reflection on the meaning of retirement.
Date : 04/05/2024
I retired recently as Professor after about 2 decades of teaching.
Retirement is the most expected thing but when it comes finally, it looks like it has come suddenly. Suddenly there is attention and everybody is concerned about your well-being, future, health, etc. It was all full of synthetic formality and I also played along. It is so easy to be superfluous.
You can watch from the sides, the organization preparing for succession. It is quizzical why it should take so much effort to replace an old outdated man. The younger ones are quite ahead and raring to go, and the organization trains the new recruit to replace the old. It is like the Umpires trying to replace a damaged ball with a new ball by rubbing it on the ground. Create equivalence? That is how succession planning works in corporations and in academics, and it takes longer.
There is always the debate about professionals, be it teachers or doctors or artists, whether they should retire or should they just continue. In the US, professors work for eternity. This is again one of those self-perpetuating practices. I would say post 60 or 65, at least professionals should think about contributing to society. All professionals, especially doctors and lawyers should take a break and think about the Society around them.
Consider all the retired bureaucrats (who can do better than signing petitions), army officers, doctors, lawyers, professors who can adopt each Gram Panchayat. We need about 2.5 lakhs such people and how many retired people we are churning out every year with a pension or at least with reasonable savings. In fact, the retired will serve better from being away from Metros and being away from social media, and competing with younger blood. In old age, we need only palliative care which can be better in rural settings than in concrete urban settings. Are there takers? In fact, we have the example of Sridhar Vembu, who has adopted to manage his multi-billion firm from a village and that too more out of his personal choice. He has merged himself with the rural setting. He chose this in his middle age itself. At the most, each one of us can serve for 5 years during which we are still in a fit state to contribute.
It was when I was doing my post-graduation in the then Madras, I remember vividly my college Principal who, while giving his inspirational speech mentioned, ‘you are at crossroads’. Motivational speakers in Madras always give the example of Basin Bridge which is the first railway station after Madras Central Station. Basin Bridge is an important junction from where one line takes passengers to Mumbai and another to Delhi. Those days going to Delhi means joining the Government. I took the Delhi route and joined the Government service. Figuratively, that dilemma faces me today also. Which path should I take? This dilemma is never-ending and it requires a hard call at all stages. It is not like if one is old it is an easy call. I learnt, never one should prevaricate on this.
Everybody had the same question for me: what is your future plan? People used to ask me this when I was 20 year old and I used to say whatever crossed my mind then, just to impress them. But, I find it ridiculous to ask a 65-year-old man about his future plans. I keep telling them I plan to do nothing, and if you want you could join my club! And, why is it so difficult to visualize a life without doing anything? Are we slaves to this idea of working all the time? Anyway, I started writing my CV taking help from my daughter. I dusted my degree certificates which have more value for their antiquity than for the qualification.
Relocating to a new place after staying in one place for two decades is a project by itself. At the end of it, I am happy I learnt about updating KYC, documentation, forms, plumbing, painting, etc. It made me completely multiskilled and I decided to buy all the required tools also. I suggest all retiring people should undergo training under a skill development programme. You realize how shoddy the skills are and how much ‘jugaad’ happens. In the process, I found that there are practically no standards, and everything has to be reworked at site to make those fit. We are slowly making progress. I suddenly find start-up packers like Pikkol very handy and brands like Ikea ‘easy to assemble’ furniture and fittings. We need standardized services and products like these more.
Soon people started asking how life is after retirement. I started wondering how it is supposed to be. Is it supposed to be different? I started asking if I am missing out on some change. I always get psyched with these questions. At this juncture, I remember an incident that happened long before. I had undergone a surgery and even after a few hours, I wasn't feeling any pain. It bothered me and when the surgeon came on rounds, I asked him out of concern, ‘how come I am not getting any pain?’ He said that is normal as I was still under anaesthesia. I was still worried and asked him when I would start feeling pain. He was quite puzzled. He said, ‘You worry when it pains. Why worry in anticipation of pain?’. Similarly, when people asked me similar questions in the past, questions after marriage, after getting a first job, etc., I used to be puzzled. I was eating, sleeping, and working the same way. Did these changes make me grow tall or fat or old, I don’t know. So, I decided I will continue to live my life and will not live in anticipation of retirement pangs. I am still waiting to find out how it will be after retirement. My life has been no different whether it is after a job, or after marriage or after retirement. It has been only incremental and nothing noticeable. Others could be looking at me differently, but that doesn’t affect me in the least.
That reminds me of another story. The story of a realized person. One man went in search of a Guru who is a realized person. Everybody pointed him to a particular Guru and he finally located him. But, when the man found him, he was washing his own clothes, cooking, and doing the usual chores. He waited for some time and asked him in bewilderment, “I am looking for a Guru and everybody pointed you to me. The Guru I am searching for is a realized person and are you that person?” He replied that he is the Guru the man is looking for. The man was still in doubt and to clear his confusion the Guru said, “Before realization also I was washing my clothes and cooking my food, and now also I do it. I still have to do it”. Realization is one department and living is another department. Similarly, retirement is another aspect of life.
There are many who start writing an autobiography after retiring. They will have a few vignettes and anecdotes which can probably create some controversies but beyond that, it is a verbose description of nothing in particular. Verbose description of what they intended to do, projections, and problems with the world and colleagues. I have often heard senior bureaucrats saying when I was a Collector when I was an SP, etc. I used to wonder why they don’t have anything to recollect after district posting. The urge comes from the sense of self-importance and missing dose of daily appreciation from subordinates and subjects. It comes from the world not recognizing them then and they better get reconciled now.
I started saying new beginnings pose as crossroads but also go through several dead ends. They say to connect the dots. Retrospectively dots do connect but after years of meandering and traveling on loop lines. God manages the most complex system of networks and should be a specialist in Artificial Intelligence. Ultimately, I realized a few years are enough to make up for lost decades in one's life. Even if we contribute for a few years honestly and diligently, that will pay back to the World.
I also realized everybody goes through ‘van-vas’ (wilderness in the forest) in life. I would say if somebody has not gone through van-vas he has not learnt. Even Ram shone thanks to van-vas. Bureaucrats and corporate honchos in positions of power also go through van-vas in cycles and they also face anti-incumbency periodically. Actors and sportspersons go through cycles invariably. If a batsman starts failing, even if it is Sachin or Kohli, then everybody has a piece of advice: how he should stand, how he should hold bat, how he should curb shots, how he should hit, etc. These leave him paralysed at the crease. Through all this unsolicited advice one has to rise again. Bureaucrats and Professors can afford several revivals. Sportspersons and actors get very few chances. The cycle is called Sakata (wheel) yoga, meaning life is like a wheel and there will be ups and downs. This is what people mean when they say the more it changes the more it remains the same because you are back to square one.
There is another category of learning lab. I learnt that if one has not been beaten in life one has not learnt anything. Success teaches one set of lessons and failure another set of lessons. Surprisingly, you hear achievers after successful runs ruling, ‘I went through deep depression’. Looks like success creates more problems than failures. Failures create one problem – you have failed and any revival is good enough. Failure is a sunk cost, so any gain is good enough. Success creates continuous pressure to be better and I have my heartfelt sympathy for them. I had no such pressures. I have been subject to beautiful life lessons and it has been a lifetime learning but of little value. It can leave you with a feeling of void. Of course, one well-wisher tried advising me saying, “see even successful people have depression, it is all in your mind”. I replied, “I would rather be depressed from successes than failures. I will have something in my pocket to pay for handling the luxury of depression”.
Every time I complete a course or a programme for the first time, I used to say, “Now I know how to do this course”. Now, I can say, “I know how to live a life, how to lead a life of an academician, how to manage oneself, etc.” But, how do I carry forward this learning? Here comes the penchant to share with others one’s insights. But, this is the catch. My experience also tells me there is nobody out there hungry to lap up the unsolicited sermons. It is an unsolicited life and why pain others with unsolicited advice?
Right now I am still trying to figure out how I am supposed to feel after retirement and how I am supposed to live it out. If I am missing out on anything that is supposed to change, let me know. Any suggestions for rejigging life are welcome! I am open.
Image Credits: Depositphotos.com
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